“Women are their Own Enemies,” is it a Cliché or a Fact?

When Azimio la Umoja, a political outfit in Kenya, unveiled its Deputy Presidential candidate on May 16, 2022, there were mixed reactions from different country quarters. There were celebrations and jubilation across the country, led mainly by women. On the other hand, the opponents not only accuse Azimio of pulling out a gender card but also throw the phrase “women are their own enemies,” so they shouldn’t expect much from the women constituency. I have been meaning to divulge into this argument, but I have been cautious lest someone takes my sentiments out of context.

The saying “Women are their own worst enemies” is not a new revelation as it has existed for ages. That phrase has been used to perpetuate a belief that women tend to have a deep-rooted rivalry against fellow women. Some of the proponents of this argument argue that this is partly because of women’s position in a society that makes them struggle for the scarce resources available. Other proponents of this argument hold that by nature, women are territorial folk, and as such, they tend to despise and loath any threat to their territory. Those who argue against this phrase mainly argue that the statement is a creation of the patriarchy aimed at dividing the womenfolk.

Why do people say that women are their own enemies then? Last week I read an article on The Standard Digital (Kenyan media outlet) on this same topic. The writer argued that women are always at the forefront of shaming and embarrassing their own folk given any opportunity. She argued that women are filled with vile hate against each other.

For instance, a woman will take the lead in calling out men beast, yet in the confines of their homes and workplace, they turn into the oppressors they hate. Some of them mistreat and underpay their housegirls and their juniors at work for its fun.

Additionally, the proponents of this argument claim that women themselves perpetrate grave antagonism and persecution of women. For instance, it is infrequent to find a woman saying that their father-in-law is the problem. Usually, it is the Mother-in-law giving them headaches ably and proudly assisted by the Sisters-in-law. Female friendships are also characterized by sinister, intense incivility and insidious negativity. This alone helps spread the assertion that they are their own worst enemies.

Are women their own Enemies?

According to Psychology Today, engaging in social comparison is one of the fundamental characteristics of human beings. These social comparisons are sometimes crucial as they inform the choice of goals and interests worthy of our pursuit and valid opinions. However, the pernicious side of social comparison is that you might compare yourself or your neighbor to someone superior, thus working negatively against your self-esteem. Thus, both men and women look at members of their gender as competition for the resources available. Seemingly, women have an additional motive; they want to be on top of the game to garner available resources.

However, I find the argument women are an enemy of themselves more of a cliché than a statement of fact. Here is my reasoning, when a man disagrees or fights a fellow man, it is said that those are parts of normal human behavior. However, that is not true of women engaging in a disagreement with members of their gender. For example, when a woman criticizes a fellow woman and supports a man in an argument or disapproves of their erratic behavior, she will get the phrase, “women are their own enemies,” thrown at her. Unfortunately, no one pays attention to the discussion at hand; all they see is a woman ganging against another woman, who honestly did not deserve any support.

This is also true of women’s participation in the political sphere. Often women have been accused of being at the forefront of supporting the hegemony of men in Politics. If a woman fails to support or vote for a fellow woman, she is considered her enemy. People do not consider that she might have failed to vote for her because she was not impressed by her electoral plan and promises. On the contrary, when a man supports a woman or casts his vote for a woman instead of a man, he is not considered an enemy of men but rather a supporter of women’s rights.

You can see the double standards in these two scenarios. Tell you what, this phrase, “Women are their own enemies,” is a cliché, not a fact.